Cold day

I do not even know where to begin….

I had move yet again. I thought things were going well with my room mate and I. Come to find out there was a lot going on with him that I did not know about. After he lost his job he seemed to give up on life. The house became a pig sty and he did not care how it looked. I tried to keep at least my room and the bathroom I used clean. Back in January his mom (who technically owned the house) kicked us out with about a weeks notice. During this process I learned that my room mate was abusing drugs and stealing money from his family. If I knew this was all going on I would have tried to move sooner.

Since I do not make a lot of money and have a lot of bills to pay there is no way I could afford a decent place to live. My BF and his room mates stated that I could move in there. This made more happy than anyone will ever know. The fact they were willing to take me in after knowing me less then a year is pretty sweet of them. 

I moved in with Kris in early January. It has now been a little over a month since I moved in and I believe things are going good. I think I am having a little of a rougher time to the change then he is. He was originally overwhelmed because of all my stuff that I brought there. However, once that was all cleaned up he was in better spirits. 

Me on the other hand…. I have started reading into everything and I need to stop that. I keep knick picking everything and I am now scared I am going to drive Kris away. Take today….. I texted him almost 1.5 hours ago and I have not heard back. He is off today and usually stays in the house. I can not believe he is that busy that he can not text me back. I know he does not need to text right away because that is the beauty of text but you can not tell me he has not looked at his phone at all in the period. He is always on it looking something up. I know I am being stupid but it always seems like he responds to his friends right away. I know they were there before me but I deserve the same treatment. 

I am just being stupid. 

I hope he is happy and is not looking on the side to see someone. I am making a mountain out of a ant hole. I believe this is because the last time this happened to me the guy was truly seeing others on the side. Granted, the guy and I were not officially together and only dated for about two months but that still hurt. I can only imagine how it would feel if I found out that Kris was seeing someone on the side. I would be ruined. He is my everything emotionally. I want him to be by my side through all the bad and good times.

He tells me he is not going anywhere I believe him. I need to stop being stupid.

He has told me plenty about how he used to be treated by his exes. I do not want to be that for him. I want to be good for him. I want to show him how a real, honest, trustworthy relationship works. I want to be there not only when he is down but also when he is having a great day. I want to be his everything emotionally as well. I hope that is what I am.

I just hope I am being stupid.  

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