The upside

So I’m seeing positive things to..spending so much time in my car.  No clean up necessary after a snow,  getting a lot of studying done.  

But I have been really needing dominance lately.  I feel at this point like I would sell my soul to Satan himself to be able to submit for a little while.  Sexually or otherwise…which seriously,  for me there is no otherwise.  I’m sex.  It’s what I am.  But I can still dream.  He tells me…I think you should wear a skirt to class today.  Or you should have this for dinner tonight.  Ok so some people dream of wealth and fame,  and I dream of being controlled.  Oh well.  At this point though I don’t know if the dream is helping.  I’m irritated a lot of time and frustrated and I know it’s from this need but I don’t know how to get past it.  

I really am trying so hard to be normal for everyone.  Trying to not be that submissive who needs the control and certainly not taken care of.  But there are times (like now) when I want to break down and have a temper tantrum like a five year old.  Although because I’m not five I realize it’s not going to do any good.  So I suck it up and keep going.  

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