The dreaming mind.

The dreaming mind is a journey inside of one’s sub-conscious. A trip that only the observer embarks upon, and ought to be ready to interpret. Nothing in the dream-state is ever clear cut, nor is it practical. Carl Jung is among the many who dared to interpret, identify, and suggest that the symbolism within the observer’s dreams may have some actual meaning to them. What many people may not understand is that a lot of what we perceive now stems from childhood memories. I could provide you with my own examples, but it is important that after you are done reading this; some form of your memories will make a little more sense to you. If I were to impose my direct experiences on to you, dear reader, then you would automatically envision things based on my mention. Outside of childhood encounters, dreams also relate to you directly. Perhaps you have some deep rooted issues you haven’t before tackled, and a part of your thinking mind wants you to face it. When you assess your dreams, you must first take a step back, and think about yourself. Then, you must abstract key factors of the dreams to evaluate the real message. Once you become familiar with the theme, then you can get a better idea on what your dreaming mind is trying to tell you.

Since my last couple of dreams were quite lucid and unforgettable, I have decided to share them with you. Not as a way to get your interpretations, but rather, to share with you mine. I will start with the most recent one from last night, and then the night before. After each dream, I will provide you with my interpretation and explain how I got there.

Dream #1: The shocking affair.

In my dream, I was in my significant others car. We were driving down a main road in the area where I live towards the eastern direction. We were in conversation about what we were to do next. After I mentioned feeling rather famished, we pulled into a driveway leading to a double-wide mobile home. My significant other said to me “let’s visit Bruce and Sue.”

Immediately, I was shocked that he had actually known these two people. Immediately I responded “I wasn’t aware that you knew Bruce or Sue.” Before I could ask him how he had known them, he stopped the car before the porch and exited quickly.

A sense of displacement coupled with discomfort arose in the pit of my stomach as I followed him inside of the home. Once I recognized Bruce sitting at his chair, I walked over to him and gave him a quick hug, and then asked him how his brother Willie was doing. Bruce seemed confused with my question, and so I asked him again how the brother was doing when he finally replied with a simple “fine.” His inability to answer the question the first time set me back, but I ignored my gut feelings and took a seat on the sofa.

My young daughter was with us, so she came inside as well and sat down with the couple’s grandchildren and began coloring. I glanced around this house and it seemed rather run down and murky. The paint was peeling quite a bit, and the floors seemed unclean. I instructed my daughter to sit on the halfway decent looking carpet that was on my left side. Once she took her place, I noticed that both Sue and my significant other were missing. This made me feel uncomfortable.

I scanned the room again while I felt an intense sense of depression and despair. There was a notion of abandonment and dissatisfaction with the overall atmosphere. Bruce continued staring gaily towards a television set with his famous cheap can of beer in his hand while the children continued to color.

From the next room, I could hear muffled voices. I stood up from the couch and then walked around a maze of rooms stepping over debris of laundry and other unidentifiable messes and saw a doorway. As I approached this doorway, I first noticed the queer dark wood paneling adorning the walls when then a vision of Sue’s head just barely appearing through the door caught my eye. As I got closer, she looked towards me in a surprising shock. Once I stepped into the room, I saw my significant other, naked pumping himself in and out of her and laughing and enjoying himself a moment until he realized to look up. Once he did he sat up quickly while shoving the mess of his hair from his face. A shooting pain stabbed my heart and all I could say next was “I thought you said you aren’t the cheating type.” I paused and then followed this with “Now I know why you always tried to point the blame at me.”

End of dream #1.

Dream analysis:

First let’s talk about how some of the facts of this dream do not add up. My significant other would never actually visit Bruce and Sue because he doesn’t actually know them. They were friends of my ex, ones I never cared for out of various reasons. The mot prominent were that they were horrible alcoholics, and they weren’t very smart. I will not have you think that I am judgmental of uneducated people, however, they were unintelligent by the demeanor of their lifestyle.

Another inaccuracy was the home. The last time I saw this couple, they were actually living in a small trailer which was shockingly up-kept rather well in a trailer park. They were drinkers, but very clean about their home.

The children made no real sense either. Nor did Bruce’s calmness of sitting in a chair while the intercourse was occurring. From what I remember of the man, he was the jealous type.

Now, let’s start to dissect. I woke up in remembrance of each and every feeling I incurred during this interaction. From shock, to heart break, I felt each and every emotion as though this had really happened. I recall without struggling the amplified loneliness and despair as I recognized what was likely going on. Also, from the moment we entered the home, I had very bad vibes about being there. Another recognition was the uneasy feeling I had when my significant other said he wanted to visit these specific people.

When I discovered my significant other enjoying another woman much the same way he used to enjoy being with me, the pain in my chest was so prominent that it followed me through half of today.

Here are some of my thoughts on this; indeed as couples get comfortable together, they do not make love as often as when they were first together. For the past several weeks, I have pondered on just that and tried to accept that though we do still make love, it isn’t as intense or as much as we did when we first got together. This is telling me that I miss that passion that we both had and how we would experiment and do different sexual things to another. When I looked down at him happy and enjoying himself with this other woman, it felt like I had gotten shot in the chest.

Does my dreaming this mean that he is literally cheating with somebody who possibly has queer dark wood paneling inside of a filthy home? No. A lot of my past existed in this very dream as well as the part of me who misses the sexual fun my significant and I had when we were first together. A fear of being cheated on is a real fear I also have in my waking mind. Some days I feel inadequate for my partner. I’ll look at myself in the mirror and think that I am not real attractive because my body isn’t what it used to be. The set up in this dream of the old friends is something I am not a stranger to. My ex cheated a lot and would use a diversion to follow through on the act.

So this dream really gave me two meanings. The first, and most obvious meaning is that I feel so inadequate and undeserving of my partner that I am insecure about my looks. The second is that I miss the more intense sexual interactions between my partner and I and sometimes will wonder if he looks at other women and wants them more. Now I understand that I must work on myself in order to surpass this feeling.

Dream #2: The burnt face.

In my dream I was inside of my childhood home by the lake. I was cleaning the kitchen floor and of current age. As I was cleaning the floor, my significant others deceased brother, and a friend of his walked into my home and asked me where my significant other is.

After I answered that I wasn’t sure, they then told me that they have lost something inside of our house and that they needed to find it to get their peace.

Once I agreed to allow them to search the home, I noticed that my significant other had appeared on the other side of the wall and I could see him from his torso up. His left side was facing me. He stood completely still and stared forward as though he was entranced.

I then asked him if he was okay. His brother and the friend sit down on a far couch and stare at my significant other in concern.

I asked my significant other again, “are you okay?”

He then turns his body to me so he is now facing me and I notice that his face is completely burned on his right side from the chin up into half of his hairline. A realm of horror rushed through me and my very first thought was that he will never feel my fingers caress his face again. The next was concern that he was in copious amounts of pain.

Once he went to speak again, I woke up.

Dream analysis:

That childhood home is no longer standing. It was torn down in 2010 and turned into a parking lot. My significant others brother has been deceased for years. His friend’s face was illegible as I saw no distinctive facial features what so ever. I could only make out that he was a native American man.

Once I see that everything in the dream was lost to time, I then I think about my significant others face being burned in that fashion. He has recently told me that a while back I had hurt his feelings in such a way that he lost confidence in our trust and relationship.

Unlike dream #2 which was a bit more complex, this dream tells me that I fully recognize the pain I have caused my significant other and now I must try to heal that pain.

The visions of each of these dreams doesn’t escape me. The intensity still exists. Every time I look at my significant other I see his face half burnt, and now I see the image of him pumping himself in and out of that other woman. Are these any fault of his? No. My job now is to fix a few things that are wrong and this will alleviate some of that inner pain.

Meditation is my first step. Once I have completed that, I will write a follow up.

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