Episode 9,10,11. Missed 3 Days but its been an INTENSE weekend..

Episode 9:

Uni all day, work evening till 9PM. 

Straight on the drink, train to London. By myself.

The club is 21+ and my friends are mostly 20. It’s a DnB night, as you may have read before I have a hard time fitting in. Tonight at this club I’ll be taking MDMA. Lapped up more drinks, expensive mind you. 3 drinks cost me £27.

I’m here, alone, the MD kicking in. Here I come out of my shell. Poof. Like a flower. Start talking to anyone and everyone. Dance like a complete mong. Got speaking to 4 people clearly off their tits on psychedelics and MD. They accept me in and we have a good time, end up getting pulled? Can women pull men? It felt that way. She seduced me. 

Roll on 5am and I’m in a very rough area of London at this ladies house. Great time and all, not thinking of an consequences. I wish I could live a life without them, honestly.

Episode 10:

Don’t get back to where I live untill 2pm, and I didn’t sleep at all. Work starts at 5pm. I roll in a little groggy. Go home. I’m seeing this girl, I may have mentioned previously. If not I’ll mention it now. I’ve known her 8 months, been dating exclusively for 6 weeks. Not asked her out yet. Was going to talk to her about this the other day, about not seeing each other. I just don’t see her often enough, I like to be around someone alot. ( Or more than 2/3 times a month). She got very upset when I started telling her. She has alot of insecurities and is a little older than me. Has a decent job, and is probably looking to settle down. Here’s me partying every weekend first year of University. She said I’m one of the few people shes every really opened up to. It’s so difficult. Has anyone been in this situation? I like her, yeah, lovely girl. The chemistry is there, I think (Idk, i’m a recovering psychonaut.)(Issues with feelings, I feel like it’s because I’ve only been in one 6 years relationship, and I don’t want to be tied down again.)

But I just want to spread the love, meet new people.

Because I’ve spent my whole life doing the opposite.

Episode 11:

Here I am, worked 9-5am and I feel that this is the end of my busy weekend. Sitting here writing this catching up with a friend on the interwebs. Next week is valentines and I want to go to a club, (The girl im seeing will be going on holiday for a month… which sucks so she can’t come.) Honestly whats the chances that I get pulled by another lass? Fuck sake.

I don’t want to spend another night indoors. I’ve attained tens, tens of thousands of hours on my computer gaming since I was 8 years old. Thanks DAD! I ain’t gonna blame him though because I don’t regret it at all. I really don’t I just need to now build a social life for myself. 

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