Why did i do it to myself

so after a year i see my x. Why? Why did i do it to myself? After knowing him for 5 years and experiecning the most craziest (good& bad) relationship ever. After being to walk the fuck away. Why fhe fuck would i do this to myself? You see the crazy thing about this is the guy has a whole life. Older kids probably around the age of 18 24 26 .oldest is the boy. Oh and forgot to nention how they all live together in a household with the mother who he claims he doesnt hve a relationship with, which shouldnt matter now cause the relationships been dead. But we jst happened to hve gave it some cpr the other night. So it gets even crazier. Did i mention our ages? Im 23 hes maybe 47. Am i crazy? Probably. This man completely entered my life at one point i jst didnt know how to walk away. I ended up attached. I had/hve so mch love for the guy. But of course family first right? Who am i to break up a household thts been built up by all of them. He wasnt fnna leave them for me duh. And i wouldnt want him to. I dont know what i really want. Tht this feeling of foolishness went away. God bless him & i. Him cause i wish him the best of luck. He has a good heart and happened to get caught up with a youngen. And me god bless me cause goddam this situations has fucked me up on so many different levelsz. Like hes a good guy but is he really? Why would ge do tht do his family? Why would he ge so close to me knowing he had something elsewhere that he wasnt going to leave. This situations jst blows the fuck outta me. & it shouldnt concern me but that lady is loving the rude awakenings apparantly cause she is still there. And well i guess i shouldnt be talking shit cause after a year i gave in again. But now to bite my tongue again for the test of our lives? How sad. Having some real genuine feelings for someone and not being able to tell them. Or being able to tell them but not seeing a ooint in that because there is no future. Me telling him how i feel is goig to hurt me even more so i am here writing my emotions on a wensite tht i looked up on google. How cool.  God bless me and my thoughts. 

3 thoughts on “Why did i do it to myself”

  1. True. All the love that’s there or could be there, just isn’t enough. At the same time, I don’t understand why it couldn’t be seen how much more love could be there. If given a chance, it could be so much greater than it already is. Why can’t people see that and look past these messed up situations? Why can’t they see they would be happier in the long run…I think in my situation, I’m being lied to. They can’t get over their X completely, so they camp around them. At the same time, they want me because I’m new & the early stages of love the “in love” phase is still there.

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