I had such a horrible afternoon yesterday. Awful. The students were so rude and disrespectful. They do whatever they want. I see that as a school problem. If 8th graders are in no better control than that, are you kidding me? They act like idiots. They can’t sit down, they bring toys to school, they walk out whenever they feel like it, they talk back. So rude. So disrespectful. And, I’m sure admin is acting like it’s just me. Like I don’t have the skill to manage a classroom. I’m sure they are thinking I just don’t know how to handle these “tough New York kids” ha! The problem is the unbelievable level of immaturity. They act like my 6th graders did- but worse. An 8th grade child should be able to sit in a fucking chair. An 8th grade child should understand that when the teacher is talking, they are not supposed to talk. Some of these kids have been at this school since age 3. The school is at fault. If they haven’t learned any better than that by now, the school has done those children a disservice. I see kids out of dresscode every single day, kids talk back and are rude every single day- and I see them talking back to other adults in the building that have been here. It’s not just me they try to run over. No wonder all those teachers quit. This place is NOT what the web site says it is. That is a joke. We have a site visit tomorrow, and I was told this morning- this morning, mind you, that the visitors would be coming to my classroom to see my kids engaged in a lab. What the fuck? First of all, you give me one day notice about this, secondly you ask me to drop whatever I had planned to put on this dog and pony show, and thirdly, you let me know when you announce it in a faculty meeting? What. The. Fuck. I am not happy about this. I am uncomfortable with the fact that I am participating in a charade by doing this. We are pretending that this is what we do every day. The assistant principal said she would remove the students that cause trouble. It is literally a show. How unethical. Ugh. I cannot get out of here fast the fuck enough.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."