I understand this but what’s that?

I was supposed to write this yesterday but so what. So I’m beginning to realize the meaning of life. I didn’t tell her what I needed to say and all these thoughts popped in my head. Oh, “She’s So Sorry.” Me, a fool yesterday, decided to bring up the past and apologize to a girl from some stupid incident last year. Good going! not -_- . I don’t know why I’m so tense as a girl in my class told me. I hate my dependence on things for my health to be better and that others go through crap and are still functioning. I sometimes feel as if I am a piece of paper being held down by a boulder. It seems dramatic but that’s what I see.

I hate this self deprecating persona I have and this inability to stop thinking. It feels good to just do things in the moment and I just love when I get luck with no warning. Mmm luck. It sucks to say this but I’d rather be free spirited than intelligent. This brain of mine sometimes makes me feel to drown it in bleach or switch with someone else. Or maybe I am not using it right. This infinity thing is so confusing. Ugh

All rules of primary school do not apply anymore. You can be what you want to be but why do I feel this chain holding me down. I feel as if I need to do something exciting to get heard or that if I do something wrong I am constantly reminded of it.

” It’s called over-thinking my dear.”

I don’t think that I have gotten the true meaning of the quote, “Why not me” yet. I want to get to the meaning of life but damn I’m so impatient and sensitive that it’s probably right in front of my face.

I feel as if I’ve passed my teenage years. Didn’t go to parties, didn’t drink(well….), had few friends, never had my first kiss, never smoked and definitely NEVER had sex.

I really do not know what to make of this.

If it is so easy for me to communicate with people then why have I grown son skeptical and detached. I hate it. I really love being around Aquarians, Saggitarians and Scorpio’s now. Gosh, but this female Sagg in my class. They all prove to be themselves.

Anyways, where was I? I need to find my purpose in life. I’m not yet ready to die.

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