|First Entry| — I might regret my decision~

So, there’s this girl that I have been working with. She and I only known each other for about 2 weeks now. For the past week I have been confused about whether this girl was straight, Bi, or Gay. I don’t know but here is why. So in the first 3 days she has given me many reasons to believe that she is Bi, but there is some slight straight and gay signs. She kept finding reasons to come and talk to me, and several of times touched me somehow, like a brush through my hair, or a pat on the back. 

I don’t know, but there was even a time where I told her that I was lesbian, and she said she didn’t know that there were signs. I just hope that my lash out on her a few days afterwards doesn’t ruin our friendship. Wednesday me her, and a guy name French were working together. She kept finding reasons to talk to us. about 1 hour before closing she asked French if her hair was messy, and in a way he kind of said yes. She seemed insecure so I told her that her hair was nice, and that depending on who she was trying to impress would result in who liked it. She then told me to “chill”, with a big smile on her face. She was blushing, but at the time I didn’t notice. I thought she was telling me to stop flirting with her, but I wasn’t.

I got really mad, and told her that she wasn’t important pretty much. After that I have been depressed…lol…I know…it’s been only two days. I will see her tomorrow. She has always been nice to me, so for me to lash out….ugh…A friend told me that she may have been telling me to “chill” out of flattery, but I never thought of that as a possibility until now. I thought she was calling me desperate because I am a lesbian who compliments her every now and then. I guess I should reevaluate myself… I feel terrible. We’ll see what happens after this weekend. 

I only acted like I did because I have never experienced so much contact from a girl, and I usually never befriend girls, UNLESS I have a crush on them, or I am not into them.. There  are 8 girls that have received my affection before this girl, and have all let me down somehow. I regret meeting each and everyone of them…I just hope this time she regrets meeting me. I hate feeling like a bitch, when I am actually really nice. I guess experience can guide you to wisdom, eh… Well…I really hope that my next encounter won’t be a buzzkill…besides, I get paid today, and will see French. I wonder what is to come when I tell French that I am apologizing. 

P.S. — I basically skipped a whole class to write this, because for the first time…I AM APOLOGIZING TO SOMEONE I LIKE SOMEHOW…

Feelings: (╥﹏╥) Weak spirited~

 

Meka

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