Day – 19 different..

every time I sit down to write i feel like i have a very stressful life bc i always want to write about something that is stressful. 

but anyways I have been super stressed lately. So much sop that it was hard for me to eat or even get out of bed. I’ve been very depressed and down and angry and upset lately. I’ve just been in a super bad place and I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been trying to reach out for help as much as i can but nothing seems to be helping. I’ve felt depressed before but this is different. im not sure how to explain it other than different. i havent felt this way before and i dont know how to explain it or what this feeling is exactly.  I am overwhelmed and stressed and anxious and depressed all at once and its very hard and discomforting. almost everyone seems to be annoying me and its frusterating because its not them its me. as cheesy as that sounds it has to do with me and how im feeling not how others are acting bc they arent acting any different then usual.  and my family dicided to take a family trip without me!! wat the heck!? 

my theripst also said some things to me today that i didnt like. at all. she brought up my dead brother and how that relates to why i dont like to go to sleep at night. 

I haven’t been eating much either bc im just not hungry. but thats not good bc wen i dont eat i get really crabby and that doesn’t help the situation bc im already feeling bad so if i dont eat then i feel worse. I’ve also been crying a shit ton.  the last couple of days ive been having a hard time not crying. i can barely go 5 mins without crying. 

like i said.. im in a very very bad place rn. 

I hate this so much! i dont know hwo to fix it and its hard bc ik (at least i think) that people are trying to help and change things but things here go really slowly here and its hard to count on others bc they never follow through with wat they say. 

I dont feel physically well either but i think thats my anxiety and overwhelmingness.. i think. i just need more help than the people in my life rn can provide. i also just had an axniety attack and anyone who has had one of those knows they are NOT fun. they are very very bad and hard and painful!! phyically painful. for those who have not had one you are the lucky ones. 

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