Ramblings

 

I feel like I have woken up from a peculiar dream then realised this is not a dream.  This is my reality. 

All I have every really wanted is to feel the warmth of love and feel wanted.  I have always chased attention and affection to make up for the lack of attention from my family. I did this by having sexual relations with the opposite sex.

Once puberty struck I was struck with the magical blessing of good looks.  Men began to really notice me, they wanted my attention, my body.  But it was so confusing one minute they would want me but once the deed was done the was the end.

What was wrong with me?  I’ve always tried to change the way I look.  I am really critical of all my body parts and would love to have multiple surgerys to improve my body..

Deep down I realise that if you placed my brain inside the worlds most beautiful woman’s body.  I would still be an insecure, paranoid woman with low self esteem.   My brain is my biggest problem.  It’s as though my brain was programmed to work against me.

I don’t think I will ever live what is classed as a normal life.  Myself and my brain are always going to fight one another.  I can be swimming along quite joyfully then out of nowhere depression will strike pulling  me back under water. 

I know I have the potential to live a happy life but I know it will be struggle.  I am going to have to learn to work with myself and not against myself.

 

Be kind be patient.

 When you fall stand back tall.

You are more than enough

Learn to let go

Learn to love

 

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