When the tears don’t want to fall

I wish I could erase this pain.  Crying may help free me of all this built up emotion, but the tears are refusing to fall.

So here I remain trapped with my emotions clawing away at my brain.   All I want is to be happy.  But it’s so hard to feel happy when you feel so alone.

I just want one person to fully understand me and to love me for what I am.  I’m sick of mind games, power games and the emotional insecurity brought on by friendships and relationships.  

Why can’t people care about me as much as I care about them?  Why are people so cruel? 

I wonder if I will ever feel that I belong in this world.  

I am mentally exhausted.  If only I could remove my brain from its skull and cleanse it and all this negativity would be removed.

Whilst writing this journal entry my supresssd tears have began to fall.  Memories of my ex are playing into my thoughts. When I suffered from chronic depression when we were together he was my comfort blanket.  I relied on him to make me feel better when I felt so incredibly down.

The truth is he was at the root of my depression.  I felt that I could never be enough for him. I would never life up to his wife who he was clearly still in love with.

I need to fix my mind.  No one can do this for me expect myself.  

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