Polysporin for my heart

What does he say? I’m sorry that you feel hurt. I’m sorry that I hurt you in the past. 

Can I please get over this already. I’m tired of the sleepless nights, waking up at 4am and “thinking” about all the shit. I’m tired of being in the middle of pain and seeing no hope of it ever going away. I’m tired of ruining my time with Kai because I’m sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  I’m tired of crying about this. 

What can I do to make healing come faster? Polysporin for my heart.  Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind please.  Will I get over this? Why do I keep feeling like I need vindication? Our realities are not the same.  Why is forgiveness so hard?  Why I can’t I forgive him, for myself so that I can have peace? Why does he seem okay? Why does he get to leave? It’s such bullshit that he gets to leave, and I get the hard bits, the everyday, the washing, the brushing, the loving, the feeding, the day to day boring stuff that isn’t a cool adventure like Daddy is having.  This anger is unreal. It needs to go somewhere but I don’t know where to put it. 


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