I am feeling very unstable today. I am feeling scared and lonely- like I am out of control. Like I have made rash unstable choices and messed up my life. I’m scared to even think about it. I have – no, I can’t even write about it.
Later, that same day…
I feel awful. Not sure why. I ordered a pizza, ate it, have been laying on the couch, I’m backing out of the party tonight. I feel too bad. I am freaking out. I need another person in my life. I need someone that I can talk to- that cares about me. Wy do I have no one? I don’t understand. I try so hard. I have been trying so hard for fucking years. I even moved 700 miles away because I thought if I lived in a bigger city with a more liberal population, I would have more luck. So I am trying, but it’s not working.
I have to take care of Sophie- I can’t just leave her here 700 miles away from her home with no one to take care of her.