Closed the Hatch Up With One Hand and Paddled Off Alone

So, I have not written a blog, or journal, or diary of any sorts, for over three years now. I have no idea what made me choose this site but, alas, here I am. 

For 11 years I had written fairly regularly on another site which  a few years back decided to just close down. Luckily they gave the option to download everything into a large text file and only recently have I found said file on my mac. I had completely forgotten about it as I do not use this computer unless I am away from home as I am now. Since losing that oh so familiar place to vent and chat with other users, the will to find another place to call home was pushed far, far back in my mind and the concept of having an outlet was lost.

Not having an outlet, as it turns out, is not a good thing. And it has affected me in ways I had not begun to notice until recently. I am irritable. I am angry. I am extremely introverted. And I have years of pent up…stuff (for an extreme lack of a better term) that while bitching/discussing with some select people I work with has semi-calmed some of those issues, it is not enough. Fuck, I highly doubt a blog, or journal, or online diary, truly serves as a suitable substitute, but maybe every little bit helps. At least here I can collect my thoughts and how eloquently or not so eloquently, choose how I put them out there for the world, or for no one to see.

My life is rather mundane though. I’m 32. I work. I live far from the city* to avoid having a life spent in bars where I just spend money I may or may not have. I run. A lot. (for me anyway) I have a goal to run 520 miles this year and to average 10 miles per week. So far I have missed that 10 miles/week a couple times but I am back in the swing of things at the moment. In January I logged 43.5 miles and this month despite not having any significant runs until the 16th**, I have managed to work up to 23.8 miles. I should be getting one more run in before the month runs out and I hope to get 30 miles total. Not bad considering I only had about 3 total before the 16th of this month. So, 30 miles in 12 days is impressive for me.

I have a project car I work on…when I have the money to do so. And motivation. And money and motivation. I’m on a time crunch because I will only be where I am at until the summer of 2018 and it needs to be done, and possibly sold before then.

Sometimes (re: a lot of the time), I wish I had more stability and didn’t move every 2-4 years. A lot of the times though, I pity those who never move away and never get to experience the world as I have. I understand that not everyone has the chance, or may just not choose to, and that’s OK. Maybe pity was the wrong word, but I wish more people could, and would choose to take a chance and see some of, if not even just one thing, I have over these last almost 15 years. Inversely, there are a high number of individuals I have known who have had these opportunities and wasted them. They complained. They made themselves insufferable and unwilling to accept different cultures. They put their own self worth higher up on this imaginary pedestal, and those people I wish I could swap with someone who would appreciate it more.

I don’t know right now. Just a first entry and who knows if anyone will read it. I have no clue how active this place is, but I need something right now. And I want to get back to actively getting my thoughts down for multitudes of reasons.

We’ll see how it goes.

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