I am feeling a little better today. I was supposed to have two dates today to meet people from OK Cupid, but I cancelled both of them. I used the excuse of the 1 train not running. I know I could have still gotten there, but I didn’t really want to. I haven’t left my apartment today. I am still in my pajamas.
Later, that same day…
It’s 10pm now and I have full on Monday anxiety. I have no idea what I’m doing tomorrow. I haven’t even looked at anything. I did grade the papers I brought home today. I just cannot figure out what I need to do??? The DOE scares me about what my rate of pay will be. If they try to tell me I get $50, I just can’t do that. I don’t think I could pay my bills. I hate having to make all these decisions. I don’t fucking know what to do. I don’t even want to think about leaving Kentucky and my retirement. I guess I will have to see what they tell me when I get to the DOE – about drawing retirement here.
I am trying really hard to make friends but I don’t think I’m any better off here than I was at home. I don’t know what to do. maybe I am just not going to ever be in a relationship again and that’s just how it is.