2/27/2017

School can be too much to handle at times. I haven’t reached my breaking-point though. I have this stupid model to make for Geography class with Hailey and two other girls who don’t even live in the town. It’s due this Friday which means we’ve got to hurry the fuck up. And because they never make an effort to give an idea of how we will make it or where and when we should meet up to make it, I have to do it. I do it poorly though, I barely do it. It’s because I feel like I’m annoying them. The stupid model is really eating me. I expect to see it in my dreams. It’s going to be a nightmare made out of cardboard, styrofoam, and Google Images for “traditional islamic city” and “hamaam baths”.

I wish I could sleep for 40 hours straight. I wish I could really get well-rested. School is always on my mind and I barely have time to do my studying, homework and assignments. Today, in French class (the private lessons that I take), the teacher gave us 6 pages of homework. Due Thursday. What even? Also, whenever she wants to ask somebody something, she starts off with “Est-ce que tu peux me dire…” It’s getting annoying, and , in a way, cringeworthy. Anyway, I wish I could get rested. I wish I could travel to some town by the sea. To be one with nature. Sounds disgusting and cliché, but I kind of want it. I want to spend entire days diving in the clear turquoise sea, looking at fish. I would always wear some simple bathing suit. I’d cook rustic and simple dishes, but I’d spend most of my time on the shore. Getting tanned, rubbing sage between my fingers and smelling immortelle. I want to dive, and dive, and dive. I want to share a beach for a whole day with a man. It wouldn’t have to be a special man or somebody who I really love. Just somebody who it would be perfect with at that time and place. I’d like to be naked with him. Not even in a sexual way. Just naked and not ashamed or afraid. I’d wear no makeup. Except for when we’d occasionally go out to a restaurant or for a cocktail. I’d just fill my brows a little bit and put some lip balm and mascara on. My skin would benefit so much from the sea that it wouldn’t need foundation or powders. I’d wear pretty clothes and walk around feeling liberated and relaxed. I’d eat spaghetti a lot. Also salmon and tuna. But no other fish than that.

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