I say broken hearts, but there is just one, mine. I could talk forever about said person; lets call him Heart A. It’s been over a month since I last saw him and he shattered my heart into a million pieces. I had loved before. Indeed I had had two relationships that were longer than Heart’s A and mine, which only lasted four and a half months. The other two were both three and half years. However, I have realised labels and time mean nothing. Though now I see that this man was very wrong for me, and a sizeable asshole at many times, I have never felt so deeply as I did then, and every fibre in my body worries that I will never feel about anyone that way again. Yes, I know we ended, and thus he wasn’t right for me. But that’s only because he evidently didn’t feel the way I did, which I guess is why all people break up. Anywho, this isn’t meant to be a giant blog about Heart A. Instead, it is supposed to be about my journey into singlehood and adulthood. Now, I say singlehood because since I was 15, I have only been single for six months. However, already I have dived into the deep end. I am three dates in, and one hot sex in with Heart B. Now I feel weird calling him Heart B because he’s not the same as Heart A or any men before. I did not fall deeply into the notion of him, nor imagine our happy future together, but he is unusual, and unlike any man, I have ever met before. He’s very socially awkward, doesn’t pick up on cues, doesn’t compliment me or be the first to kiss me. But I know that isn’t because he doesn’t want to, but just because that’s not what he’s used to. So anywho, this is gonna go one of two ways. Firstly, it will not progress, and I will have to end it. This I will be sad about it because I loved his company and it was so nice having someone to cuddle. Or second, it’s going to hit me like a fucking train, and all the heartbreak I have experienced with Heart A is going to get intertwined with Heart B. So, that is my story so far, I hope my topsy turvy life is some enjoyment to others, but if not at least I have found this at least in part therapeutic.
Over and out.