March 2, 2017
It’s pretty quiet here in my home this evening but, not as quite as I would like. I can hear “them” faintly but they are there…the voices. I wonder how it’s going to go tonight when I try to sleep. Last night was pretty rough. “They” kept me awake until almost one in the morning. I downed almost half a bottle of sleep-aid but it still took a while for me to pass out. I truly do believe that I’m starting to develop a tolerance for the stuff. But, what does happen is that I’ll feel all out of it the next morning. This morning was a perfect example. I could barely manage to get going and get out of the door and get my ass to work. I was feeling very slowed down and just in a haze.
It’s essentially like having a mild hangover. But unfortunately, I just don’t think that I can do without the sleep-aid yet. I want to see how I would fair by going without it, but my sleep isn’t something that I want to take chances with. I mean I simply need to sleep no matter what. It’s bad enough that I have to deal with “them” trying to sabotage my sleep practically every night. If I have to take a sleep-aid for the time being, then that’s just what it is.
At night is when I’m still the most vulnerable to their harassment and they know it and they take full advantage of this. One thing that helps is to make my home as quiet as possible. This does not stop the voices but it does make them a lot weaker. As I’ve written about numerous times, I often hear these voices the loudest when I’m around a source of steady background noise, such as a fan for example. One way that I can make the voices weaker is to eliminate these sources of noise.
Sometimes, this is difficult to do. A perfect example is what happened to me just a few weeks ago. One night I was having trouble getting to sleep because of the voices coming in over the noise of the heater in my condo. Out of frustration, I shut off the heater and being that it was winter, I woke up the next morning to a freezing cold condo. The same thing can happen in the summer when it’s hot out and I run my air conditioning. Sometimes, if I eliminate these sources of background noise, well then there’s a price to pay. This is why I think that it’s important to just learn how to desensitize yourself to it. If you let these voices influence your actions too much, I feel that this is certainly a bad thing. On most nights if the voices are particularly annoying, I just deal with it and of course take some sleep-aid.
But, I do try not to let them influence my actions however much I can. If it doesn’t cause any other problems, then by all means, I’ll eliminate all sources of background noise if I can. But, I don’t want to have to freeze my ass off in the middle of the winter because these voices drive me to shut off my heater. That would be a mistake that I’ve made before and may very well make again but, it’s important to try to defy them by not allowing them to influence your actions.