March 4, 2017
I’m about ready to turn in for the night or I wish that I am I should more accurately say. I just took a few doses of sleep-aid a little while ago and I’m just waiting here for it to start to take effect. I didn’t want to risk having another night when I didn’t take any sleep-aid at all just to see how I would make out. The results from last night were mixed, but I’m just going to stick with taking sleep-aids for now and then maybe try again to go without them in a little while.
As I have written about previously, “they” have been far more active during the evening and night with the voices and the physical disturbances. I suspect, that they are doing this intentionally because they know that they have lost a lot of ground during the day time. If I’m at work and keeping myself busy and keeping my focus on something else, then I usually barely pay any mind to the voices at all.
I think this is why they intentionally have been trying to mess with me more at night. If you can pull some of your attention away from them, then they lose ground and they know it. I’ll keep working on ignoring them at night and desensitizing myself to their escalation tactics. But, at night when I’m first trying to get to sleep especially, it can still prove to be quite challenging. Often recently, I’ve been failing to get to sleep on my first attempt. This is when I’ll often get out of bed, take some more sleep aid and write for a bit until I feel it kicking in some more.
Most often recently, I’ve been able to get to sleep on my second attempt but, sometimes this can be pretty late and often it does contribute to me still feeling slowed down and in a haze first thing in the morning. I suppose I should try turning in a bit earlier to compensate for this. I’ll give this a try because at least for now, I’m still going to use a sleep-aid to get to sleep. Really, it’s not so much the voices that keep me awake, but the physical sensations and disturbances. The voices I’m much better at ignoring. Most often at least, I’m able to block out the content of what these voices are saying. But, the physical disturbances are a bit trickier. I mean if you feel something, you simply feel it. Ignoring it then is not quite so easy, but I’ll keep trying.