Losing A Parent

I’m sorry to say this but i will be glad when all of this stuff is finished from my dad passing. I hope it will be less painful but i really dont believe it will be. I miss him and im still just shocked…which is fading to anger and sadness. Anger bc he was taken away and sadness bc i know i will never see him except in pictures and will never hear his voice again. Will never hear him cracking jokes…even if they were dorky sounding but thats my dad for you. Ive cried everyday since the day we found out he was sick. Cant believe its only been 8 days since i got the call that he had to have surgery and was prolly not going make it. Yesterday after removing the ventilator his vital signs dropped quick. It kills me to know he is gone. Rather it of been me. He didnt deserve to die at 59 years old, he is needed more than i am so wish could of taken his place. We didnt bother telling his father…why u ask…simple. He an a$$hole. He would only cause more grief and heartache. My dad didnt get along with him and they had a big argument months ago and his dad said he was going take my dad out of his will. He never been there for any of us anyways. I imagine somebody has told him by now or seen it in the paper. Who knows if he will show up…guess we will see. None of us want him there and hes to cold hearted so he prolly wouldnt care. But o well. I’m also wanting this be done with because my sister and me are both mentally and physically drained. Neither has had much sleep and i worry about her all time. Even more now bc know she was closer to dad than me. Guess thats all for now. Try getting some sleep…

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