I got really sad tonight. I was having this conversation where I tried expressing my frustrations with someone, and maybe somewhere deep down I was hoping she would consider my complaints from my perspective. I don’t really feel like she ever has before, so there was no precedent that would lead me to think otherwise, but I was so very hopeful. She didn’t, though, and that’s why I got sad.
I feel powerless in this. I don’t think I can confidently express myself, because when I do, I’m met with this overwhelming burden of logical reasoning. Now, don’t get me wrong, in some cases, there is value in that. When you’re going to make a large purchase, for example, making the most reasonable and logical choice is obviously the best choice. When you make a decision based on intuition, like should I get tacos or pizza, logic is less important…
Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about anymore. What I do know is how I feel, and for fuck’s sake that had to come from somewhere, didn’t it? I didn’t just make it up on my own, did I? I don’t have the documented evidence–because really, who writes down that shit–but I feel like my ideas are constantly shot down. Something I want to do or somewhere I want to go or whatever, and if I can’t convince the committee with a high enough mountain of evidence, there is no compromise. It’s just no. It’s getting hard to live with this.
Like I said: that’s how I feel. It had to come from somewhere, right?