Day 4/ Being disappointed at myself

I thought I was special. I thought I would make a great thing out of my life.

I don’t need anything. I just wish I could be like everyone else, just being normal.

But I know I am not or I won’t be…

I am not capable of anything.

I don’t feel anything.

I don’t want anything.

Nothing or no one can help me to get me out of this darkness.

Maybe, I don’t want to feel good.

I don’t know how to feel good.

All I got inside of me is a feeling of despair.

 

5 thoughts on “Day 4/ Being disappointed at myself”

  1. What I noticed is that if you want a good life, you have to go out there and get it. It doesn’t come to you. At least, that’s my take on it.

    Check out my latest journal entry (Day 130) where I send my boss an email asking for a raise despite all the fears and uncertainty involved.

  2. If you feel nothing, that is ignorance. Being out of touch with oneself. That’s okay. Nobody can tell you how you should feel. But you talk about this in a negative tone. That’s not how a voice of reason sounds like. That’s not what someone who feels nothing sounds like. You’ve written this with full emotion, whether you are aware of it or not.

    Its time for you to stop thinking and start doing things without thinking. I don’t mean the risky stuff. I mean anything to express yourself properly. Making art, doing a new sport, go out to town and talk to anyone. Start a new game and join a group. Start dreaming of things you can start doing. Everybody started at a point in which they had no skill whatsoever.

    I can’t help but think you are trapped in a vicious cycle of the same thoughts. It stops by telling yourself; I am worth more than I think I am. It is true. There is nothing wrong with confidence. Everyone makes mistakes. Even a voice of reason occasionally. But the difference between you and others is solely that they acted, and you aren’t. Start moving and you’ll regain your confidence.

    PS: incoincidently, the moment you stop measuring up yourself against others, whom you can see only the positive parts of and never the struggle, your world opens up. For every genius, there was a world of struggle.

  3. You need to stop being so judgmental of yourself. You are a warrior, your struggle is real and legit. There will be good days and bad, but just remember that you are a fighter. Even taking the time to make the blog post can be a victory on some days.

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