Enough is Enough!!

For the past 10 years my sister has been on and off with the same guy. They have 5 kids together (one of those were only concieved to overshadow my pregnancy- her words not mine) and there has been more drama then i have time to write about. In those 10 years he has been in and out of jail and in and out of her life. He has beaten her, robbed her, abused her, abused my mum, abused my dad, stolen and beaten my extended family, threatened the kids, done all this IN FRONT of his kids. We have called the police on him countless times and she just never seems to get it through her head that he is bad news. The last time drama went down i had my baby in the house that he came to – high of his face and going psycho screaming at my mum, sister (my other sister), me. All while his girlfriend (my sister) was at her house safe and sound. We called the police once and again and from that moment i decided i no longer want to be part of her stupid decisions. He got sent to jail and she convinced us she was done with him as her bruises were obvious and this time he held a knife to her. If it wasn’t for her daughter getting the phone for her to call the police who knows what he would of done with the knife. So she is ‘done’ with him and we were happy about that. THEN he calls her from jail apologising and the cycle starts again. He got out 3 months ago and since then I haven’t heard a word from her. She posted a lovely photo on facebook of their engagement without telling my mum, she made a status about how she doesn’t need us in her life, we got no invitation to her daughters 1st birthday but she calls my mum every second day asking for money and favours. So by this point i am done with her. She tried calling me last week and again today asking to see my daughter. My partner was furious and he wants her to have nothing to do with my daughter which i completely understand But my guilt kicks in… I don’t want my daughter having people come in and out of her life when it suits them and i don’t want her to know anything that this horrible person has done to his family, i don’t want her witnessing it if my sister is around and he gets made and decides to follow her. I feel like it is too risky having her near my daughter but i feel guilty stopping her from seeing her niece. The time she spent with my daughter she absolutely adored her and i know that it would be upsetting for her to be cut off from her niece but she doesn’t respect me, she doesn’t respect herself and i just don’t know if i am doing the right thing. I don’t know if anyone will actually read this because it is massive and i apologise for that. I also don’t know if this is the right place to seek advice but i guess i just need some reassurance that i am not being a complete cow for keeping my child away from her aunty. At the end of the day, my child happiness is my number 1 priority but will having nothing to do with her aunty affect that happiness? 

4 thoughts on “Enough is Enough!!”

  1. So sorry to read this. I read this in the early hours of the morning while feeling a dose of self-pity, and I think this shook me out of that. I have a nephew, and he has been one of the closest people in my life for the past 19 years. His years as a child are some of the warmest memories in my heart. I don’t think I would be the same person if those years had been denied to me. But of course, that is a simplistic thought. There are more things here going on – I understand the hurt and disappointment with your sister, as well as anger. Sometimes, we feel that we have to take a tough stance. I have no advice to give, but sometimes, if the place we act from is guilt, then I would suggest that it is better to act from love.

  2. Well i’m glad i could help you with that at least :). I am happy for you being so close to your nephew. Thats my other thing, my nieces and nephews go through hell when all this goes down and i wish i could be there for them as well because they need all the support they can get but i was only 12 when all this drama started and i have dealt with it for all that time and now that i am older with my own child i think i just don’t understand why my sister puts her kids through all that and i honestly think i have lost respect for her. Being a mum i would do anything to protect my child but she doesn’t and that is crazy to me :/

  3. Surrender91, I appreciate you for sharing your experience, I know that people who read this post will touch a nerve within them. This is one of those situation that is complicated. I can sympathize with your situation in some level. If you want you can check out my journal posts to get more insight of where I’m coming from. I know that family is important, having said this, in life you have to make hard and tough decisions especially when you have children. As a mother your number one priority and job is to love and protect your children at all cost even if that means you have to break away from family members that you love. Your sister is selfish, her actions are manipulative and thoughtless. Coming from having knowledge of domestic abuse-this is a cycle that is very difficult to break. It is something that is destructive and draining. When caught in this vicious cycle, specifically when children are involve, you have to make the tough and ruthless choices in order to protect your children and your family at all cost.-Good Luck, I sincerely hope that your sister will one day have a “wake up” call to turn her life around and make better decisions, until then, I support in keeping a distance from your children, until she gets her act together.

  4. Thank you so much for you response. I have just read your journal “Personal account of witnessing domestic abuse” and all i can say is WOW. I am so sorry that you had to go through all that. It makes me sad because i imagine my 9 year old niece in 20 years having those same memories and it breaks my heart. I also read “To Forgive And Move On?-“Not Ready To Make Nice”. I can somewhat relate to how you must feel hearing that every one has forgiven your father for all his awful actions but you aren’t and thats how i am. I feel as though my Mum is on the verge of forgiving my sisters boyfriend for everything but i don’t think i ever will. You and your Mum are so strong for standing up for yourselves. Good on you 🙂

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