I am struggling. Sincerely struggling. Prehaps some serious meditation sessions are in order. I have stretched myself far to thin. My light flickers. I snap. My fingers tap.
How to let go of control when you know some one else is holding the torch so close that it is burning you? Your skin sears red and starts to bubble. How do you forgive when no one is sorry?
That’s the thing… control only what you can, only what is possible. That means control only yourself. Ourselves are the only thing we can dictate over if we truly want our lights to be bright and our hearts light. If it is hot and it is too much, step away. At one time I knew this so readily. Today I struggle finding the proper footing. My balance kilters. The scales so heavily tipped in all the wrong directions.
As far as forgiveness goes… forgive. Mistakes are made. They’ll always be made. What happens though when the same mistake is repeated over and over to the point where even your pain feels like a broken record? I want to forgive. I need to forgive. For me. For him. For closure. To move on. It is what sets me free. Yet. I can not. The price isn’t cheap. This is why I struggle. Long ago, I knew this lesson. Today I struggle to clear away the brambles.
So I’m stuck forever more. Too close to the flame with no light of my own. Heavy heart. Heavy shoulders. Heavy eye lids. It’s all because I’ve forgotten… forgotten how to forgive.