Remind me how to forgive

I am struggling. Sincerely struggling. Prehaps some serious meditation sessions are in order. I have stretched myself far to thin. My light flickers. I snap. My fingers tap. 

How to let go of control when you know some one else is holding the torch so close that it is burning you? Your skin sears red and starts to bubble. How do you forgive when no one is sorry?

That’s the thing… control only what you can, only what is possible. That means control only yourself. Ourselves are the only thing we can dictate over if we truly want our lights to be bright and our hearts light. If it is hot and it is too much, step away. At one time I knew this so readily. Today I struggle finding the proper footing. My balance kilters. The scales so heavily tipped in all the wrong directions.

As far as forgiveness goes… forgive. Mistakes are made. They’ll always be made. What happens though when the same mistake is repeated over and over to the point where even your pain feels like a broken record? I want to forgive. I need to forgive. For me. For him. For closure. To move on. It is what sets me free. Yet. I can not. The price isn’t cheap. This is why I struggle. Long ago, I knew this lesson. Today I struggle to clear away the brambles.

So I’m stuck forever more. Too close to the flame with no light of my own. Heavy heart. Heavy shoulders. Heavy eye lids. It’s all because I’ve forgotten… forgotten how to forgive.

3 thoughts on “Remind me how to forgive”

  1. Forgive is within anyone. It’s still in you too. There are just things in front of it that makes it much harder to do. This journal sounds a typical case of struggle due to lack of communication. Its so hard to understand the perspective of you and the one you might be mad or dissapointed with, while you are mad or dissapointed. Forgiveness is temporarily distancing yourself past mad or dissapointment, and talk from the perspective of the other. The thing about struggles is that someone isn’t grasping the situation. Create understanding. For all you know, they just don’t have the words and for some reason they feel the same.

    Take action; talk. talk. talk talk talk talk. Go into therapy if that doesn’t work.
    In our society, these small petty things are made of lightly. as if they don’t matter. But that little thing that bothers you, which you aren’t properly talking about, is JUST AS IMPORTANT. But if society tells your partner it isn’t important, then why even care? TALK talk talk. take action.

  2. I have talked. I’ve expressed my points & laid out every card on the table. All my reasons are valid… and surprisingly selfless. Problem is when some one else’s addiction takes, takes, and takes. They see the damage their addiction causes, but it is not enough to fix the actual problem (ei. “gambling addiction”).

    I’ve talked about it til the cows came home so speak. I’ve spoken without blame. It doesn’t matter however because the receiver isn’t ready to admit there is a problem.

    But thank you for your words & advice.

  3. I sympathize with your situation in the area of wanting to forgive someone, but can’t find how to. If you want check out my post titled “Forgive and move on?: Not Ready to Make Nice.” Its a sad and draining situation to be in when you keep giving and expecting someone to measure up and they keep disappointing you and letting you down. The question becomes how long can you continue to invest your time for someone who is selfish and keeps on taking from you without taking your needs into consideration. This is where the heart of the matter lies in-you can love someone with all your heart and unfortunately that someone is not worthy of your love. No doubt that this is one of the hardest decision to make. You can only forgive sincerely when you are ready. From my experience, the reality is that sometimes so much damage has been done, that it becomes near to impossible to forgive.

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