112, farewell, FIL

Hello journal. I feel like it’s been a while. At work – my usual place for journaling. When I become overwhelmed by the swirl of activity around me I know I need to take a step back and just write. My FIL has passed away. I am happy for him. He no longer has to suffer in his disease ridden body. I am sad for those of us here who must go on without his physical presence. But just as I feel my sister’s spiritual presence I feel my FIL’s. He is at peace. H is doing well.  He too believes his father is in a better place. It will be most difficult on my MIL. They were married 59 years. That is many years of devotion. She has her little dog now to keep her company and distract her. We thought she was crazy to get a puppy at the stage when my FIL required so much care, but we were wrong.  The puppy has been a god-send for her. At the funeral mass on Friday D and S were asked to read a prayer. I knew D would do just fine. I was a little concerned about S.  But I could not have been more proud of both of them. They were articulate, loud and clear. Everyone remarked at how well they did. Life at home has been good. The last few weeks were stressful of course as H’s dad was in his final stages. But the kids have been very good at understanding how it was affecting H and for the most part were good. It had its subtle effect on them as well.  They were not super close to their grandfather. With the exception of their infancy, during their lifetime thus far he has always been infirm. But still a physical presence in their lives is now gone so yes, it will affect them in unique ways.  I find myself more thankful than ever that my own parents are so healthy. I am listening to an audio book now titled  “Dying to be Me”. It is wonderful.  I find myself smiling as I listen to the woman’s account of a NDE. I feel as if part of me died with my sister and came back here renewed. And the part of me that was so full of doubt and fear did not come back with me. I left her behind.   

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