March 11, 2017
It’s been a cold day and evening. I’ve had to run my heating a lot, so “they” have been using the noise to add volume to their voices and they’ve been trying to grab my attention all evening. I’m doing alright though at blocking them out. I can still hear their presence however. It’s like they are trying to grab my attention, but at the same time I’m trying to ignore them, so what I end up hearing is just this constant chatter, but I’m not hearing what is being said.
Even when I’m not hearing the voices that much, I can still usually detect their presence though, unless I’m really focused on something, like some task that I’m working on for example. Their constant presence and being aware of this constant presence can often be one of the most unsettling aspects of an attachment situation like this. You just never really feel like you’re alone anymore and you really do long to have that feeling back again.
March 12, 2017
It seems like I lucked out last night. To the best of my recollection, I don’t think I felt any of the regular physical sensations/disturbances that I usually feel. I was still hearing the voices, but this is the first night in a very long time that “they” didn’t try and bother the hell out of me with their physical disturbances. Maybe they decided just to give it a rest for the night. I guess I’ll have to see how it goes tonight. The physical disturbances when I’m trying to sleep has always been a major aggravation for me. Perhaps, it’s because they are deliberately attacking me with them when I am the most vulnerable.
I mean I can’t keep getting out of bed and distracting myself from them by browsing the internet, or watching television, etc… At some point during the night, I simply have to go to bed and stay there until I fall asleep. Though, there have been numerous occasions where I couldn’t get to sleep at all for the entire night.
They very much are employing a strategy of attempting to cause sleep deprivation here and it is something that has sent me into a rage many times. It’s been a while, but I can recall a few occasions where I got up out of bed and cursed up a storm at these harassing entities for messing with my sleep so much. They never seem to care in the slightest.
I would very much love not to have to take a sleep-aid practically every night because sometimes it hasn’t fully worn off yet by the morning and I often feel very worn down and tired. So, I guess I’ll find out tonight if last night was just some rare occurrence or if they are backing off from messing with me to the degree that they have been while I’m trying to sleep.
March 13, 2017
Well, to no great surprise, I did not get a reprieve tonight from the physical sensations/disturbances. At first, it seemed like I might be, nothing happened for about ten or fifteen minutes when I first went to bed, except for hearing voices. But, then it started, the localized vibration sensation. Tonight, it started up around my shoulder area. I was also feeling some slight jabs coming up through my mattress. Also, I was hearing a voice talking to me through my pillow, which is a common tactic that they have been using these days.
Also, I was hearing the younger female sounding voice that I refer to as “Pippy the Nazi” talk to me from what seemed to be right next to my left ear. I am not surprised of course, I guess I’m just a little disappointed. I suppose that I was simply hoping that “they” would act a little more reasonable for once and back off a little bit. I wonder if this was just another one of their pre-planned mind games. Perhaps they deliberately backed off for a night, knowing that I would wonder what the hell was up and become hopeful that the physical disturbances at night would finally end and then they essentially crush my hopes. If that was their scheme, I would not be surprised in the slightest.
I recall a line that they once told me back in 2015, “we lift you up to take you down.” That pretty much sums it up there. So, it would seem that at least for now, the battle for sleep…the struggle for sleep, will continue for me. It’s just after one in the morning, I just took a couple more doses of sleep-aid and I’ll give getting to sleep another try now.