Does it matter

I am looking to vent. My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years this April. Only have been married for the last 4 months. I have two older daughters from previous relationships(that’s a whole other story I would rather not open right now). We have two children together along with our twin pregnancy loss in 2009 and singleton pregnancy loss in 2013. We both have struggled in our past with our horrible previous marriage(we both were married to cheating assholes) and found each other while navigating out of those relationships. We both enjoy a lot of the same things but we both struggle with trust. I have been struggling in our relationship for A LONG LONG time. I feel like he gave his all and everything to his ex and I won’t ever get that not even a small tiny piece of it. This sounds horrible but I have now all but given up on the intimacy of it. We get intimate all of once a month now and it’s only when he wants to. I begged and pleaded for sex and intimacy from him for basically the first 4+ years or our relationship, I stopped begging and I’m starting to not care about anything I get mad all the time and depressed constantly, then in turn it makes us fight. I feel more like he is barely my acquainted roommate then his wife partner or mother to his children. I feel as though his ex got the best of him and I’m left with the irritated always joking guy only thinks of himself he takes our kids into account just my feelings  don’t matter or when I really get excited for something I have to be blunt and say hey that would be great if you did that for me and then it usually doesn’t come to fruition. For instance every holiday birthday etc he straight out asks what I want like or need and he doesn’t get anything I like want or need. Valentine’s I point blank said I would be happy with a card. A well thought out sweet loving card and I get a sarcastic farting card. His reason for not getting me even a single flower or a fake flower, because he assumed , “I was expecting it”. Christmas birthdays holidays I pre plan out and take in careful consideration to get what he likes needs and would love (and he always does). I’m pretty sure he all but forgets my birthday. I just I can’t understand any of this anymore. I feel like an invisible person in my relationship. Extremely depressing.

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