Lately, I always get an upset stomach every time I’m worried, scared or sad. This particular day, I’m feeling it more. Even when writing this. I feel extremely upset. Ergo, I feel like throwing up.
It’s been almost a month, I guess since the last time I saw him. Thoughts of him still lingers. Memories of him when I go to some places makes me sad- and angry. I feel like throwing up again.
He still text me, or message me. I try not to reply, turn a blind eye. But, I want it to be frequent- his texts. I want to feel like he remembers me a lot, like I of him. But, it makes me more sad. I don’t want this feeling. It makes me want to throw up.
Someone saw him on a supermarket, with someone else. It made my stomach upset, my heart heavy, and my mouth lost for words. Many questions overflowed my mind. Is it his new girl? Does his friends know? Do his family- his mom? Is it okay for them, were they happy- is he?
It’s been almost 3 months since we broke up. But even then, I can’t just be happy for him. I can’t, when I’m still miserable.
I pray every single night, for Him to take this pain, for me to be happy. I want to be happy- without a single thought of him able to make me upset. I find myself unable to cry for it anymore. But I still feel a lump in my throat every time.
I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t even want to talk to myself about it. I’m afraid. I try to put a smile on my face when somebody ask about it. But a crooked one. It’s not genuine.
Somebody save me, I’m drowning.