Shattered and Confused

I’m crying…again…getting sick of feeling like a crybaby. How does one come back from losing a parent. Glad he not in pain anymore but then realize I’m never going see or talk to him again. I have been keeping myself busy but as soon as home alone again the depression kicks in. Been driving around flirting and know that’s stupid bc I’m happily married. I think I’m just trying anything to get my mind off my dad. Spent so many years being mad asst him on the inside. He never knew i was angry at him but he gone so guess he never will. Even if I’m not mad asst him for it anymore. Angry bc he left us and angry with “god” for taking him away. And why? Could of picked anybody else or picked me. Half time i don’t want be alive anyway so why couldn’t he take me instead? 

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