The other day, I was chatting with V, and he told me that he never thought he would be the person he is today. Some parts he did, but others, not so much. For instance, he did think he’d grow up, go to college, become a doctor, have a family, dogs, a house, those kinds of things. Other things…I think if you asked 17-year-old V, “hey, do you think you’d ever lie to someone you loved just to save your own ass and selfish indulgences,” he’d definitely have said no.
These things haunt this poor man. Although, he’s not racked with crippling guilt as much as he used to be. What bothers him more is how to get where he’s supposed to be. It’s like you were on a roadtrip, and you were going to drive from Los Angeles to New York, but somewhere along the way, you diverted with the intention of vaguely reaching your final destination. Then, somehow, you ended up in Miami, in a completely different car, driving in a way uncharacteristic for how you behave on the road. Miami is not where you’re supposed to be, but how do you get to New York? You can’t go back to Los Angeles, and even if you did, it nothing about it would be the same.
V has done things he flat out regrets, and I think he’s moved past them and given up those decisions in his life. All he hopes for is to convert the person he became as a result of those things into the person he wanted to become before those things. I think he’s got his destination set, now all he needs to do is figure out how to get there.