Wednesday 8th March,2017
It’s been two days since I talked to her about what I was going to say the last time. I remember it clear. I was about to leave my notes at home and put in in my folder between some past papers. C***** surprisingly came on that day and A**** was there too. We had a very shallow small talk and I went outside on the green bench with my Business syllabus and note book. I kept talking to myself.
“Oh, I need to vent to somebody.”
“Is she coming?”
About fifteen minutes before the bell rings she walks closer and my heart begins to race as I say, “Can I talk to you? You’re not busy right.”
And I could see all the innocence in her eyes and that eyebrowless smile in that Twenty One Pilots hoodie. I gasped and kept fiddling with my notes and began randomly about how I thought I should not hang with the “posy” anymore. And I could see that she was trying to help but me and my nervous self stuttered when C***** came back.
She was like, “Hey, your skin is glowing.”
And I was like, “CRAP CRAP CRAP!” in my mind at least.
It was so awkward. I felt to tell her everything on the spot but I just wouldn’t budge.
That’s the bell.
Time to go to assembly. Just made a horrible first impression.
At this point I do not know what I am and feel more like a piece f furniture than a living human being.
She’s so beautiful and doesn’t even know it. I just feel to give her the biggest most warmest hug in the world minus the fact that I act like a robot on uncalled for situations. How foolish was I really to say that I was judging people when I actually am them?- psychological projection.
How does one fluent operate as an ordinary human being with a strut in each step?