Still hooked

He messaged me again, yesterday. We had a conversation- a hurtful one. It was all truth, I guess; updates about his new girl, what I feel every time we have a conversation, that we should stop having conversation coz it hurts me.


I cried again, while messaging him. After all these weeks I have not cried because of him, I cried again. I’m not sure if it’s for the last time, but after all those times I felt like crying but did not, I did again. It sucks. It was siesta time but my officemates were awake, they probably heard and noticed that I cried.


I’m still interested in his life. I know it will hurt me, knowing the truth, but I still ask for it. I kept asking and he just answers- not knowing he’s stabbing me with it.


He still has this hook on me. He still got a hold on me. I can’t just let him go- not just yet. I hate him. I hate admitting that I still love him.


I’m afraid that if someone better, someone right for me comes along, I wouldn’t be able to show them the best of me. I’m afraid… I’ll lack. I poured and gave all of my love to him. I’m afraid for the one that comes. Would he be able to experience the love he deserves from me? Would he accept what I could give? Would I be able to give him more than I gave my ex? Would I be able to appreciate him? Would I… be able to love him?

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