ughhhhh

song of the day  – Chemical Prisoner by Falling in Reverse
 
Damaged trust
 
Life broke them, with evil in the world
People that don’t even care
Walking away came easy, along with causing pain
Words hurt and silence too
Great emptiness, diseased with paranoia
Slicing into tender, bruised skin
Fractured threads holding it all together, barely
Just enough to tiptoe through life
When one more person screws you over
When I fall over, will someone pick me up?
When the bruises heal, how high will the wall need to go?
When people come into my life, how can I trust they will be friendly?
Slicing and dicing with my fragile emotions
And when the Plasters can’t fix this wobbly head
One step too far and all my distressing regrets will gush right out
 
I wrote this in 2015, and the nature of my illness means it always the same, changes every day but my poetry is always relevant not just when I write it but when I need to find it a few years later.  I volunteer at a food bank – wont say where but I am always taking time off every few months.  it has got quieter due to a circumstance, quieter since Christmas. last time I was in.  I started again two weeks today.  we play music on YouTube when the phone isn’t going, and dance and chat. good times
I love my Friday afternoons at the food bank,  the people I am with, they have a café next door with great home cooking.  actually bought my lunch there today. 
still suffering with this cold slash sore throat, I took  a prn as I had diet pepsi with my friend.  couldn’t be hyper at the food bank. had  a raging headache when I walked up the hill to pick up my phone.  so took ibuprofen and wow did it interact. got light headed, while having my cig. delaying my night meds don’t need to be up early tomo. sleep off the delay. granddad hasn’t got back to me about 2moro. so meeting sophie to sell her phone and try persuade her to go to Philips café.  I need dairy free shopping.  cant get a Tesco’s shopping  delivered with there ridiculous charges but need soya milk.
 
the song of the day, is a reference to my head but also chemical prisoner is my life. it revolves my day around it.  and cos I am moody with this bug and the sore ears I get.  I don’t wanna be on meds but hey ho.  will update this hopefully be more positive after a bath and toad in the hole.  or spag bol. my go to meals when I’m like this. I am hoping I wake up not with this bug.  might do the spag bol tonight. had enough potatoes for a while.  
 
drooling now that’s it spag bol bath and early night sounds good.   I hate my head lol, but it is my head and will continue to learn to live with it.
 
night,
 
 
 

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