Saturday March 11th

Noah is coming to visit today. I can’t wait to see him. I have been cleaning my apartment today- not that he would notice or care. I am going to go out to JFK to meet him and then I will Uber him back to my apartment. It’s cold af today. I would love to have a snow day while he was here so I could stay home with him. I doubt that will happen. 

I am trying not to think about Brent being in Nashville. It makes me feel sick. I had such high hopes for us getting together there last year. I was an idiot. I don’t know why he rejects me like this. I am beginning to think this is going to hurt me until I die. I went on a nice date last night. The man was very nice- very well educated. I don’t know that I will ever be able to get over my past and be happy with someone else. I really don’t. 

I am all confused about my work life. I don’t know what to do. A part of me thinks I have it really good where I am- maybe?? I only have to teach 4 45 minute classes all damn day, and I don’t have to fucking common plan with anyone and there are zero expectations that I will be able to produce test scores because the kids have never had science before. If they take the test in 8th grade, I wonder how the bonus for the 6th and 7th grade teachers is determined? I think if I find out that I can indeed draw a pension- full retirement level pension- the same as with DOE- I will stay where I am. If I only need 6 years to be fully vested and if that truly means that I will be able to draw- AND I’m paying into social security there, so I would have that money, too, AND my Kentucky retirement, I should be in good shape. 

I wish someone would offer to come visit me from home. 

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