Why can’t I just stop ?

My brain and my heart are currently at war. I had a dream about my ex which led to me texting him…. wowzer that was a stupid stupid thing to do. All he did was insult me- tell me the work rumors going around about me- call me a cunt and childish drama queen and try to convince me that everyone at work hates me… I don’t know if I’m more shocked that he is really that much of a complete jerk or that I opened the door and let him walk right the hell through it. Don’t get me wrong I threw several insults back at him- I called a spade a spade and called him out on everything he did big AF.

What started with, “Totally had a dream that I gave you a ride home from this ballin ass party haha “

Ended with, “…but the difference is I actually do try to walk a moral high ground, you don’t.” And then me blocking his number. 

What was I thinking? I was thinking I miss him. But I can’t figure out if it is because I’m bored or if it’s because I actually miss him. He’s so ignorant that it’s super frustrating dealing with him when we are at odds- he throws at me that I’m always right- which is kind of true- but it’s only because I can explain and prove my points and he just says I’m playing the “victim” instead of trying to explain himself. He will repeat himself over and over- about tiny things- I rebut with actual events and times I went out of my way for him and he just says things like, ” whatever you say”  and try to give me future relationship advice and insult me… WHY DO I GIVE A FUCK? He is a completely ignorant jerk who doesn’t deserve one single second of my time yet I’m compelled to grasp him by the shoulders and shake him until he grasps what a douche he is. It’s ridiculous. I need to find a new hobby worrying about this asshole is going to give me premature wrinkles lol

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