Monday March 13th

I’m at school today. I had such a rough morning! I didn’t set my alarm, so I woke up at 6:20 when I usually get up at 5:30, I had to race out of the house this morning, then the 2-3 trains were delayed, so I was so scared I was going to be late. I made it somehow. The principal observed my class this morning. Ugh. I always hate getting “feedback”. It automatically makes me defensive. Especially when it is from someone I don’t feel is qualified to be giving it. He only has a certification in middle school teaching. He is not admin certified, nor is he any kind of behavior specialist. I don’t feel like he should be telling me how to manage my class. I know what to do, but I am not committed to doing it because I know this job is temporary. I don’t want to put out the effort required. I know that’s wrong, but I don’t. I really put a lot of thought into staying here, because I think there are some reasons to stay, but ultimately it comes down to the retirement issue, and I cannot just ignore that. 

Later, that same day…

We are supposed to be getting a blizzard tomorrow, so they have already called off school. I think I am going to quit my job. I am scared to do it because of the money, but I don’t think I could possibly work there for any length of time. That woman I talked to that worked there and quit said that the staff was really great and “wrapped their arms around you” in support but that hasn’t been the case for me. She was 7th grade, though, so that group might be different. I briefly talked to the 6th grade teachers today while I was making copies, and I  felt like they were more welcoming than my group has been. I have tried- a little- not very hard- to be friendly with my teachers. I just don’t get a chance to interact with them. Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter now, anyway. I’m just going to have to suck it up and quit. That’s what I have to do. It bothers me that the principal will think I’m quitting because I just wasn’t good enough to make it there- It pissed me off a little that he acted surprised that I had rapport with the kids. Fuck him. Kids always love me. I guess he just assumed I’m a snooty ass white woman that looks down my nose at the children. He doesn’t get me at all. I must let that shit go and not care what he thinks. He is no one and I will never have to see him again. 

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