Faith in God Restored

It’s only March and I feel like I have gone through the whole year already. 2017 started out good for me, then things started to fall apart in the middle of January to February. In a very short span of time, I have been through heartbreaks and some sort of existential crisis. Everything became too heavy for me to bear. I wasn’t sure anymore of what I was doing or where I was going with my life. Until I was no longer able to take it anymore. I remember the weeks that I cried every night, and every morning I had to pretend to every one I encountered that I was okay, that I was doing great and that nothing is wrong with my life. Little did anyone – even my friends – know that I was struggling mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Every night I felt like giving up. I was on the verge of deciding whether I should still be continuing what I’m doing or just stop, but then I thought “What else would I do if I stopped?” Then the day came that I was no longer able to take it. I felt exhausted internally. My mind just won’t stop thinking about everything at once, making everything more difficult that it already is. That was when I decided to turn back to God. It has been a while since I read the bible or even prayed. I felt detached from God. I felt like I was unworthy of praying to Him, of coming to His presence, because of turning my back on Him. I didn’t really have any big reason for ignoring Him. I just did. I stopped. And now it felt like it was time for me to come back to my Father. So I prayed. I asked for forgiveness for turning my back on Him, for ignoring His calls when I knew it was Him, for doing things my way when I knew it was His that I should be following. I humbled myself before God. I lifted everything up to Him. It wasn’t easy at first. I still worried about everything every day. I doubted if He was listening to me, or if He really cared. I was still in doubt, but through it all, no matter how hard it was for me, I called on Him. I cried out to God. I called Him every night, asking Him to make me feel His presence because I could not take it all anymore. Oh, how great is our God! As I continued to cry out to Him, asking for His forgiveness and guidance every night, He slowly made me feel His presence. I started feeling lighter. I started regaining my strength to go on. My mind started to clear out slowly every day. It felt like God was taking everything from my hands. He took everything that I was holding onto, so that I can walk freely with Him. I started feeling His love for me, His embrace. It may not have been a physical feeling, but it’s the kind of feeling that you just know in your heart that you will be okay. I had peace. Now, not all my problems were resolved instantly. On the outside, I was still battling a lot of things. But on the inside, I was healed. I was made whole. Only with God will I ever be able to go through everything. He is my strength, and I will never turn back away from Him again. 💜

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