Well, I quit. I just sent my letter of resignation in. I am becoming quite the quitter. I really wrestled with this decision. I just decided after that last class yesterday I was not going to do that anymore. After the principal came in to observe me and acts like he’s genuinely surprised that I have good rapport with the kids- that there is actually “mutual respect”. I guess he thought I must talk down to them or something. I don’t know what the fuck he thought or whatever. I would have liked for that job to work out, but there is just no fucking way I could do that for 10 plus years. It was too much. I shouldn’t have to work that hard to get fucking 15 year olds to sit in a goddam seat and not talk over me. Not fucking throw things at each other or fucking chase each other around the room, not destroy school property.
Oh well. My anxiety is eating up my insides today. We have been in the apartment most of the day because of the the blizzard. My heart is breaking over so many things today. I want my family back together. I miss my dog. I have been feeling this way about my family for more than a year now. Am I not going to get better?