I figured out something about me lately. You know how I’ve been battling “depression”? Turns out it wasn’t really depression, it was just deep sadness from feeling abandoned by the one you trust most. I realized this because once Monty talked to me and showed me love again, I felt so much better. As in instantly better. There was no deep heavy feeling in me anymore. And here he is again. He’s hinting leaving me again and here comes that feeling again. I suddenly become this person full of hurt, pain. This is so wrong. How could i let myself depend on Monty this much 😥 We should really start spending time apart, it’s just extra complicated with this baby in me. I’m so disappointed in myself. Because I know the Truth. The truth that is in God. The truth that there is no one reliable on this earth but our God alone. And that Jesus already paid for our past, present, future sins. I’m just not in a place to face all that right now. Why am I even hardening my heart, I cant understand myself either.

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