Bending to the point of breaking

The road I have chosen, still fills me with more questions than answers in this 7 yr marriage of mines. I still struggle with staying or walking away which puts me in a reserved mode with my feeling towards her.

I’m tired of going to the mat and talking and mutually agreeing on a solution with a definable path to follow only for it to last a day or two. What does this mean? How can she just revert back to what doesn’t work to bring us back here.

Going forward, I have to say, I’m no box of candy. Before, getting married I have relished in independence. Not because I not only wanted to live alone but having a place that is real when and if my relationships didn’t work out. Trust me, if you break up, you don’t want to be the one packing and looking for a spot.

That happened to me once and I learned well. But, for 7 yrs, we would have short spirts of happiness followed by periods of ackwardness or not speaking.

Last night my wife Said I belittled her front of the sales guy. Let me lay it out. We had a sales guy cone to our home to measure our windows that we are looking into replacing. He was easy to tolerate because he was hilarious. My wife and I from time to time always poked fun at each other about things that wasn’t true but was the stereotypical things people say about marriage to set this up for you guys.

The salesman tried to raise the blinds by the string in order to take measurements. He was having trouble..so he said” Woman are better at doing this” referring to raise the blinds by the string.

I came back with a line” Oh, she’s no better” As comedic as one can say it and we laughed. My wife said”Thanks”. And we laughed and went on with the sales pitch.

The next evening, my wife brought it up to me say she felt I belittled her in front of a stranger. At first I couldn’t think what I done the I remembered the blinds but I didn’t fathom it was that but it was. I asked her to explain, she did, and I still couldn’t rap my head around it no matter how many times she repeated it. I finally said to her, we been together 7 yrs and you a tally think that’s what I meant?

She said” No, but, it still made me feel bad”

I said why? It was in candor light fun we do it all the time in front of Mike and Rita (friends of ours)

She said that’s different. I said”how?

She said we know them. This guy was a stranger. I didn’t get it so maybe I’m dense. I told her I have always been respectful to you feelings, always there to give you words of encouragement. Why would I belittle you?

Well, I apologized and went down to my mancave. I thought about a comedian who once said when you’re married, you are constantly telling you wife you’re sorry, even for shit, you didn’t do.

It was funny at the time. I no longer find it funny. But bullshit!

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