Can hear a train whistle, that is a sound I dearly love and never tire of. Usually makes me think of being a little girl, lying in bed at night and I could hear the trains not too far off. Funny, maybe there are less trains (well of course there are) but now I’m back in Northfield, I don’t hear them at night. I think the only thing I miss about Fordice is hearing the Courthouse clock chime. Well I loved that neighborhood as well.
So strange since mom has been gone I seem to be constantly flooded with childhood memories. Of course living in my little hometown makes that even more common. Although many of my memories are of course of places (round pool, Avon) long gone and mostly people and their places. I find myself constantly longing for a time and place and people that are no more. It is like an endless loop. I tell myself I must not dwell there so much…I need to find good things in the present but it is not easy. I want to make myself enjoy the journey again. I keep looking forward to retirement which will be likely 4+ years away. I know from experience there is no magic mark in the future where I will be happy; I have to make my happy now.
- says I have PTSD from all I have gone through. The years of helping care for mom and losing her. Of course losing Martha (lifelong friend, distant cousin). And my job…I type crime statements all day and most of them are homicides. I can and do maintain my professional distance but over ten years it changes you. Right now I am at a place where I can barely stand to hear of tragedy or sorrow, death and dying. People talk of movies where these things happen…I don’t need artificial sorrow to make me cry. I could cry for days just from real life. Ah (sigh). And now on to true crime and real life. I’m lucky this week, I have had burglaries and robberies for a change, nobody shot or stabbed or physically assaulted. A nice break. Now onward with my job.