So I had a somewhat vivid dream last night and I feel like it’s finally time to stop ignoring the ones I feel could eventually strike with me Deja Vu down the road and get them recorded, so here we go…..
We were eating lunch or dinner out together with our respective spouses….I feel like it was a Sunday lunch after church. I don’t know what he said that upset me, but I left the table in quiet anger and went outside to wait for my husband. I was ready to get out of there. After a few minutes, I realized I left my purse and phone at the table and stalked back inside to retrieve them, stubbornly determined not to utter a word to a one of them. As I walk back towards our table, he, his wife and my husband were walking towards me, resigned that our relaxed lunch was abruptly over. I muttered to my husband that I needed my things and kept my brisk pace to the table. My husband and his wife stopped where they were and turned to watch me walk to the table. Only he followed me. I could feel his eyes on my rigid back and sense his remorse for his thoughtless words. I knew what was coming and I could already feel myself softening, but I quickly stiffened again, hellbent on holding my anger against him. I snatched my items out of the booth, but before I could spin on my heel back towards our spouses and the door, there he was in front of me, leaning towards me with his normally playful, dancing golden brown eyes sad and serious and very puppy dog-like, silently pleading with me to hear him out. Still leaning close to me, our spouses behind me and seemingly miles away, he searched my face and told me he was sorry, his voice unusually soft but still manly and, as always, cleanly piercing right through my very being. Then he mumbled that he wrote me something and hurriedly and somewhat suddenly flushed, waved a crumpled sheet of paper at me. I took it without looking at him and glanced at it, seeing four things written like a list on it, each item accompanied by little hand drawn illustrations to what I guessed was meant to prove he was serious. One of them said, ‘Let’s build a birdhouse together.’ My anger, along with my heart, melted away and I finally gazed up into his face, a small smile on my lips and before I knew it, our arms were around each other, his hands on my back, mine on his waist. And then I was very aware of each of our wedding bands on our left hands, the people who put them there standing what felt like worlds away from us, completely unaware of the intense, but natural moment we were sharing between just us two. As I let him pull me towards him for a warm embrace, gripping his purple shirt with my left hand, reaching up to put my right hand in his hair and feeling his Grizzly Adams mountain man beard brush my cheek, I closed my eyes and realized I didn’t care that they were there. I didn’t care if they saw us. This was my O’Malley. The O’Malley I shared 20 years of memories with – riding the bus as kids, dodging the objects he threw at me in class and running through unknown neighborhoods at night with rolls of toilet paper with our friends praying that the cops wouldn’t catch us as teenagers and reaching out to each other in times of need as adults. Always laughing, never caring about tomorrow and being in the moment together – like now. I buried my face in his neck, breathed him in for a moment and stepped back from him, grinning up at him as he laughed his breathless laugh, his eyes dancing again. I loved him so, my body and soul still tingling as it always did at his touch and in his presence. There was no one like him on the planet, but I knew, with a slight longing, that we belonged to others now. Our time had passed….
The friend I dreamed about last night in this dream is now married and expecting a baby. We married our spouses a few months apart and my husband and I welcomed our baby last summer. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in nearly three years, we do not hang out together at all like this dream depicts which is why I probably felt the need to record it. It was so vivid and so real, yet the setting made no sense given our friendship at the present moment. I wasn’t thinking about him at all when I fell asleep and had actually enjoyed a nice rare intimate night with my husband. I do think it’s interesting that he was wearing a purple shirt in my dream. Back when we were hanging out, he invited me to come listen to him play his instrument in a contest he really wanted to win and I showed up in a purple shirt I had made with his nickname on it in support of him. He loved it and told all our friends about it at his birthday party a few weeks later.
I guess I just have to wait and see if this one really unfolds down the road…..