Ch. 7


In the animal kingdom, the only way to take out the alpha male is to dominate or kill him. I grew up with a similar, though more humane, concept of the dating world. As I got older, I always heard that girls are supposed to find better than their father. To achieve this, and ultimately escape my father, I thought I had to find someone bigger and better. I always envisioned some 6’6″ huge gym rat, built like a refrigerator. I thought I needed the rugged outdoorsy guy who could shoot like a sniper, hunt with his bare hands, fight like Tyson, and show no mercy throughout it all. I wasn’t describing a companion, but rather a bodyguard or a hero of sorts, because what I sought more than anything was protection and to feel safe in this world.

And then I stopped to ask myself, why do I need a badass guy to protect me when I am more than capable to protect myself? Considering this got me thinking of why I even allow myself to be in situations where violence, chaos, and negativity is a possibility. Was it because that is all I knew? That was comfort for me?


Happiness is a choice; thus, I can choose a happier environment. I didn’t have to choose to be around people who made me feel horribly just because they were family.


From realizing this, I went in the most secretive attic of my mind where all my most intimate thoughts and memories were kept. I mentally dug out my old trunk of hidden truths, broke off the locks, and rifled through until I found the repressed emotions I had so diligently squirreled away into hiding and the thoughts I had never shared with anyone…..… The thoughts of my dream man.


My actual dream guy? I envisioned my dream guy to be tall

  • Tall
  • Funny
  • NYC street smarts
  • World traveller
  • Intelligent
  • Classy
  • Sophisticated
  • Well dressed
  • Articulate
  • Polished
  • Gentleman
  • Patient
  • Loyal
  • Trustworthy
  • Sweet
  • Kind
  • Thoughtful
  • Passionate
  • Loving
  • Considerate
  • Helpful
  • Polite
  • Charismatic
  • Open-minded
  • Well cultured
  • Driven
  • Family oriented with welcoming family
  • Outgoing but can also be an introvert
  • Motivational
  • Handsome
  • Humble
  • Not afraid to try new things
  • Travel junkie
  • Adventurous
  • Dog person
  • Democrat
  • Wants to be with me, and just me.
  • Will hold my hand
  • Honest
  • Can teach me things about the world that I never knew.
  • Will take care of me
  • Will protect my heart
  • Romantic
  • Nerdy



  • Someone who went to private school overseas
  • Can appreciate my love of art
  • Wants to live abroad


I never liked the ‘hot’ popular guys. I don’t like guys who parade themselves around like they’re hot shit because they were genetically blessed to bypass teenage puberty without getting acne, braces, or being generally mocked in the locker room. That meant nothing to me. What matters was how you treated others.


I didn’t care for how the world saw people, what mattered was how I saw them.


I dreamed of the perfect life, one where my partner chose me each and every day without fault or hesitation. He didn’t stay with me because a law or paper told him to. No. He stayed because he wanted to, because he loved me. 


I pictured my life traveling the world with my partner, just us against the world, making a home wherever we felt, not settling in one place for too long, taking our children around the world, exposing them to new foods, new cultures, etc. I dreamed of constant travel, constantly expanding my mind, becoming educated on world issues, giving back to society, making a difference, and BEING the change. I always imagined being on a plane with my partner, soaring through the night sky covered with stars, above the dreamers of the world.


Little did I know I was going to meet him really soon.


Leave a Reply