Day One- Breaking the Silence of my broken heart.
It has been 7 months and 5 days.
I don’t know how I have survived… or if I even will.
Who ever said “time heals all wounds” is stupid. They lied. Or they obviously have never experienced this kind of heartache.
I didn’t mean to, but I fell in love. Never even saw it coming. The worst part is, I am married. But that story is also something that broke my heart.
I don’t understand my life, or why things keep turning out like they do. It’s not fair… isn’t this supposed to be my life? And don’t I only get one?
I am bound! Chained to a life I didn’t get to pick. I know I sound like a child with my arms crossed, stomping my foot and shouting “No Fair!”. And maybe I am just a child throwing a fit. I honestly don’t know. I try to reason in my mind… I search and search for logic and some form of sane purpose or reason for my life turning out this way.
I fell is love with a man from Texas… his mind, his heart… his beautiful soul. The way he thought was so captivating, so inspiring! He was everything I longed to be. He easily took place as my best friend, which slowly turned into more. There is such a fine line between admiration and love… I admired him so much. For all my life I was the friend, the listening ear, the shoulder, the support and the crutch to all of my friends. It was so refreshing to find some one so genuinely curious about my life, and concerned with my well being. Some one with a wealth of knowledge and wisdom about almost everything I found intriguing or interesting. Some one that always knew exactly the right thing to say at exactly the right moments. I found out long after I fell in love with him that he was disabled from having meningitis when he was 10. The reason he never spoke on his mic was because he can’t. It made me fall even More in love with him. And when he let me hear his voice for the first time… I cried. I never told him that.
I cried because it made me swell up inside so much that I couldn’t contain it. My heart burst in my chest and flowed out through my eyes. It was the most precious sound I have ever heard… Worth more to me than all the money and power in the world. My soul feels like is it tearing at the inside of my chest trying to get to him as the sound of his voice is echoing in my mind right now…
It has been 7 months and 5 days… And I will never recover.
To be continued…