Thursday March 23rd

I am about to throw up. I saw the principal this morning and he told me to come see him when I had time. What the fuck? All I have is time. I guess I will go down there on what is m pseudo planning- since I don’t really have a job- I don’t know what the fuck is going on. Ugh. I am about to just give up. I really am. I should not have missed that appointment for the personal assistant job. Ugh. I have done all this bullshit and I still cant get hired for a fucking job. I am really about to give up. If he gives me bad news today, I don’t know what my next move is. Go back to Kentucky? I don’t know. I don’t know. I am sick and freaking out. Clearly I fucked up by quitting my job at Promise. 

I went downstairs to try to see the principal, but he wasn’t in his office. I am freaking the fuck out. 

Later, that same day…

So I talked to him and he said that the district is auditing all the financial books of every school right now and that will be going on until April 3rd, so he doesn’t expect that they will hire me until after that date. That is a long time to go with no income. AND, it’s not for certain that I will be able to start on April 3rd. I cannot just keep sitting on my ass and earning no money. I emailed that personal assistant person and I am going to meet with her on Monday. It would be nice if she had a job for me for next week so I could be earning some money. I don’t want to spend my savings because I’m already for sure going to get paid less than I was getting paid at Promise. I need to make that savings money last as long as possible- with best case scenario, I have enough to pay for my surgery in July. I can just get my chin done if I can’t afford the nose, too. The nose is what is so expensive. A chin is better than nothing. I already have the plane ticket purchased, so I should at least get the chin. 

Later, that same day…

I am watching Empire. I don’t think I like it, anymore. It’s kind of getting on my nerves. I left school a few minutes early today. Why should I stay if I don’t even really work there? I am not going at all next week- not unless I actually get hired. Maybe if I don’t work for free, my principal will be more motivated to make something happen. I don’t understand this school system- how they handle subs. Should I not at least be able to get sub pay? It’s so frustrating. I am so scared it won’t work out. I can’t just sit there, day after day, doing nothing and not even really being employed. 

It’s only 6:42 and I have no motivation to do anything. I need to get up and take a shower. I have got to start making myself do some stuff- like exercise and taking care of myself. All I want to do is sit my ass on the couch and mess on this laptop. I sit on it all damn day at my pretend job since I have nothing else to do all day. I sure as hell hope this works out. 

One thought on “Thursday March 23rd”

  1. Hi there I’m Elaine, I teach high school history…I have moved from one school to the next due to different circumstances, I kinda feel like I have a home now…my whole family has had alcohol issues…my dad and mom both died of complication and so did my older sister…for some reason my brother does not drink at all so have to wonder about his genes lol..I try to keep mine under control and when i get into issues its usually has tequila or red wine involved. Love to keep in touch is interested….E

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