The Ex

He was my first love. I used to think he was the only one for me. The only one i’d ever be with. Wanting to live that picture perfect romantic life that I didn’t pay attention to any of the red flags. Met for the first time in front of the library, I felt so drawn to him, I didn’t know him yet but we hugged. All he knew about me was that I was a beautiful face with a nice body. Didn’t bother to learn my name. Took us a week to get together, took him two weeks to learn my name. I had always dreamed of true loves kiss. Sitting down talking then suddenly leaning in and falling into a very passionate kiss. This isn’t how it happened for me. Instead I was held down and the kiss was forced upon me. No romance at all.

The weeks went by and school was coming to an end. But I wanted to spend more time with him. I signed up for summer school. Me him and some friends decided to go to summer school just to skip and go have fun. We would smoke tobacco and hang out in abandoned houses. While he tried to get me to have sex with him. One day, June 24, 2014 we were outside all bored. A game of truth or dare was started. He was dared to make out with a girl in our circle for 15 seconds. I thought he was the loyal type who would never do any such thing game or not. Boy was I wrong.

Couple hours later after he persuaded me to forgive him the same girl he made out with came along. I don’t know what I was thinking walking away with them to a more “Private Place.” Trying to seduce me, her hormones started acting up. Her dress came off, his pants came off. Boom!. He lost his virginity right in front of me. The pain was unbearable. I tried to stop it but they just kept going. Why was I with him?

The next day all the pain had sunk in, My insides were burning, my heart aching, a pain I’ve never felt before. Was this Heartbreak? I was so naive, I just wanted love, wanted the romance I had oh so longed for that I let this happen to me. For 2 years I stayed with him, couldn’t trust him no matter how hard I tried. I’ve never cried so much, never felt so trapped, never felt…..So alone. March 16th, 2017 is when I finally set myself free. It hurts, but i’ve never felt so relieved and capable. In control. Never Let a toxic relationship control you or your emotions. Take control…

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