I’m scared for my relationship. I’ve been so depressed and it’s taking a toll on my boyfriend whether I want it to or not. I’m trying my best to view this situation from multiple angles and to stay positive. Maybe there’s a bright side to this that I’m not seeing.
I really should find better outlets for my emotion. Writing is always tempting… I always tell myself not to write because it ruins my mood. But if I want to, why shouldn’t I?
I really need to talk to him. I need to be open and honest with him. With the tone of voice I use, he gets so upset. He rarely shows it though. I talked to him on the phone earlier this evening and he told me how he holds back his reactions because as soon as he reacts, I blow up.
What is wrong with me? So many problems I’ve had in the past are arising again. I’m isolating myself, feeling sad all the time. Mom thinks I have Seasonal Affective Disorder but… I really don’t know.
At least there’s the partial hospitalization program I’m starting in a couple days. It’s early in the day but I’m praying and hoping with everything I’ve got that this will be the answer to my troubles. I’ve been struggling with this moodiness and irrational thinking for God knows how long.
If there’s a way to have faith in myself, my only wish is to find out how.