My Parents

My parents were hoarders. Growing up I thought it was normal living the way we did. Clothes were scattered throughout the house, dirty dishes were everywhere, there was no room in the kitchen to cook, and nowhere to sit comfortably. After the realization came that a clean and manageable house was more normal than I thought, I felt betrayed.

As I grew older, I hated my parents more. Not only were they hoarders, they were neglectful and verbally abusive. Well, abuse is a strong word, and I guess I’ll never be fully sure if it was technically abuse. I felt belittled by them. What’s worse is the fact that I felt powerless in escaping because other adults wouldn’t listen to my complaints.

My parents always covered their tracks too. If our house was scheduled to be inspected, my mother would clean and clean for several days until the inspectors came. After they approved the conditions, she wouldn’t lift a finger (which is the norm for her).

I bought a book called Toxic Parents a couple years ago and the descriptions resonated with me. I kept thinking all this disappointment and pain was in my head. After reading the book, I realized I had every right to be upset with my parents. They criticized me and called me names constantly. They ignored me when I needed reassurance.

Now that I’m on my own, I’ll need to find a way to detach myself from the past. And that is easier said than done.

2 thoughts on “My Parents”

  1. I feel your pain. You were abused and I think its better not to downplay it. I dont know where you are in life but for anyone who may be reading this and have the same circumstances I would give this advice. Now that you realize what your world can be like you should seek some support and inspiration for your future. The problem with growing up in an unsupportive and abusive house is that you never learn how to live. You will need to find peole who can understand you. Surround yourself with strong smart people who can show you what you can do. Seek a professional for therapy. Join a club for companionship, guideance and learning. Take classes on somethng basic. Cooking, household repairs or gardening. Simple things that you may not have learned growing up. Fantasize constantly about what you want out of life. Where do you want to live? What will it look like. Write everything down that appeals to you and never stop thinking that you can do what you want. Take care of yourself.

  2. ^^^
    Love that advice.

    One of my daughter’s friends has a hoarder for a mom. It’s sort of hard to not notice the mess. She seems sheepish and ashamed. She also blames her kids. Whenever I go over there to pick up her kid, I wonder how she feels having to live in that mess.

    I hope that you are able to put that past behind you and focus on better, healthy relationships where you are supported. I know it sounds weird… but the best person to support you & know what’s best for you – is you 🙂

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