Took a day off but I’m back now

So yesterday I had taken the night off to catch up on sleep. Ten full hours that I caught up on finally. Though it comes around about twice a year for me. I will end up being awake so much that my body finally shuts down. Lately it’s been dealing with my new work schedule and how much it changes while factoring in the hour-long drive to and from. This ended up with me clocking in an hour early today but I was allowed to stay until 9 just the same. So, that was pretty good. It’s an extra hour that I would have lost due to lunch. So, I won’t complain too much about that.

As to the experiment, well that’s a humorous story. So, the other night the pushy, creepy guy sent me a message. I will admit to doing what’s called ghosting him. In one conversation, he kept pushing for me to talk to him via voice after I had said several times that I didn’t do that. He kept trying to call and got shot down each time with a reminder that no, I don’t do that. He was slightly insulting and when I called him out on it, he just kept saying that he was a nice guy and didn’t mean anything by it. REALLY?! Then he started getting pushy about getting a picture from me. Now mind you, I had told him several times that I was playing a game with some friends and couldn’t voice (that is true). All the while he was insisting to voice with me. Anyway, I blocked and deleted him. The guy had zero respect for my wishes and just creeped me out. So, this brings us to his message on OKC. He was nice and all but apparently didn’t get that yes, he was blocked and deleted on Skype. That I should message him because he feels we’re totally compatible and would be great together. Yeah. So, I didn’t even bother responding. Basically, if you can’t respect my wishes in one conversation and then completely creep out on me, it’s pretty easy to figure out. So, new message today. Guy from Ohio. Now, I’ve said for years that I’ve never seen much good come from Ohio…ever. The Ogre, the pretend best friend, not to mention others that I’ve known through the years. He wanted to chat and I said that I had just got home from work, (Not a lie.) and that I was tired (also not a lie). I said that I would chat with him tomorrow if he was on. From his profile, I don’t see anything more than a friend. Yes, I’m selfish when I expect any possible suitor to have a job. I supported the Dragon for the entire run of our relationship. I worked endless hours and paid all the bills. I bought everything he wanted and more. I don’t plan to support someone for the rest of my days. Yes, that would be called a bitchy outlook but seriously? Why in the name of all thing holy and unholy would I want to work myself to death to support myself and someone else? Answer: not a snowball’s chance in hell would I do that again.

I am considering renting a storage unit soon. I have more stuff than fits in my room. It’s sizable enough as rooms go, but honestly I don’t have much room for anything. I have clothes on my bed because I have nowhere to put them. I have a small closet that’s already full. So is the dresser. So, I’ve been considering this option for the clothes that I have. Last weigh in was 140 lbs. and to me that’s still fat. I’m hoping with working again, not having enough to eat, and eating so little when I do eat will help aid in losing more weight. I feel like a disgusting slob. Some good though, the 14’s I wear are actually getting loose on me. Though I’m not sure if that’s because they honestly are or because they stretched out being worn. I can hope that it’s because I’m dropping weight. I honestly don’t care if it’s healthy or not. I just want it gone. There was a time when I was 95 lbs. and a size 0. I need to get back to that once more. When that happens, I might actually be considered attractive in some form or another. There’s nothing to do with the baby fine hair save for dying it. Not much else that can be done with that. Genetics cursed me. Honestly I don’t know why I’m bothering with it since there’s nothing attractive in this state. Seeing what’s been offered, especially being around the public at my job, not in this lifetime. Don’t get me wrong. The people I work with are great and I find myself liking them. Not to say that I’m opening up any time soon to anyone. The ladies I work with are actually very kind and nice. There’s a couple I would eventually come to see as friends. The men though, completely different story. In either event, I guess I’ll deal with being what the ‘dating advisers’ call ego centric, along with being “too picky”. I guess having some standards just doesn’t cut it anymore. Like having a job or some kind of income or hey here’s one, don’t be an alcoholic or be somewhat attractive. At least be attractive to me in some way. I can’t say that I’ve had the hottest guys honestly. Yet they had something that was attractive to me. Hell, I’m a fat slob so I can’t say much about weight. Yet, not a single thing that could be considered alluring. And hygiene. That’s a big thing. Just me though.

I let myself get a little too excited. I heard from the Knight the last couple of days. I went overboard and messaged him a few times today. I need to cut that out. Remind myself that I’m just a friend. Find some other outlet. Only answer when he messages me. That’s the best thing to do really. A little dumb on my part and I’m kicking myself for that. Another mistake I won’t be making again.

I started thinking about taking up drinking in my spare time again. Basically, it worked in the past to numb me stupid, but I wouldn’t do it if I had to work the next day. One rule I’ve always kept. Even the Lion got irritated with it. I wouldn’t drink when he wanted if I had to work the next day. Trust I learned my lesson a long time ago that working while hungover sucks. I miss being numb. The other thing is that it’s legal and I wouldn’t get arrested for being drunk (unless out in public and around here that means in bars too) and I don’t drive when I’m drinking. I’ve been against that for years. I am proud of that no matter how much I’ve packed away, I don’t drive. I will walk or take a cab. If I was still in California, I would be able to smoke weed, but here that would get me arrested. So, that’s out. This leaves alcohol as the best way to get numb. It also cuts back how much I eat. Means losing more weight. I mean let’s be honest. No guy wants a chick that’s over 100 lbs., small boobs, has shitty hair, and isn’t the perfect image of a Barbie doll. If I dropped being intelligent, remained blonde, dropped the weight, get a boob job, and played dumb all the time like every other party girl out there I bet I could land any guy I could want. Not that I want many. That’s a very short list of 2. One of those I will never have again. The other is just a friend. Figures.

The other thing is pretending on Facebook that I’m peachy keen. That everything in world is rainbows and unicorns farting glitter. Maybe I’ll get up the gumption and play some WoW tomorrow. I may not, but might as well give it hell. Now I’m off to play pretend on Book of Face so that people think I’m shitting glitter.

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