I can’t help but find myself questioning daily what is expected from myself.. In this relationship I don’t know what you want from me. You want my submissiveness, you want my money, my help, my words, but don’t want to give those things to me when I need them in return… It is hurting me a lot, but I sense that you don’t see it. I yell at you to hope that that will get a reaction out of you, and glimpses of my childhood come back as you open the door to the dooming lands. It’s so easy for you to walk away from me, but so difficult for me to find myself walking away from you. But I don’t get it. I don’t get how after everything we have been through you can just easily walk away from me. You can see the pain and hurt on my face, and still think that those continued words are not going to cut deep… But baby, those words are not only cutting deep, but leaving that dagger stuck inside of my oblivious skin. My hear that wants you so bad it is willing to ignore all the damage that you have permanently scarred me with… Do I deserve better? What is keeping me stuck?
Why is it easy for you to say that my pain has no effect on you? Why is it that as I sit here aching inside, you are okay and oblivious to it all. I will never understand why the people we love the most find it so easy to hurt us. I will never understand why you can walk away. Why you can continue to throw the daggers at me in hopes that this moving target will change or give up. Is that what you want? Is my touch and my heart not what you desire anymore? Because at this point in time, I don’t know how to continue to make us both happy..